


Pirouette

by waywardangel (leviarty)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel is Claire Novak's Parent, Dean Winchester is Claire Novak's Parent, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Multiple, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27789709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leviarty/pseuds/waywardangel
Summary: Sam and Dean are missing. Again. That’s fine; the ladies have gotten pretty good at saving their asses.Aka Claire Saves theWorldFinale
Relationships: Castiel & Claire Novak, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Claire Novak & Dean Winchester, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 144





	Pirouette

**Author's Note:**

> This was born out of my long-term need for the Wayward Sisters spinoff that was stolen from us, and the vague notion that maybe they could come back and fix the finale in the same breath as launching their new show.

Claire’s phone rang out, filling the room with the too-upbeat percussion of whatever Kesha song Alex had thought funny enough to reprogram as her ringtone. Three minutes before, Claire would’ve been pissed, the sounds sure to have given away her hiding spot.

But she wasn’t hiding anymore, and in fact, the sound was a welcome distraction from the arms currently crushing against her windpipe.

“You know, I should probably get that,” she choked out as the grip loosened in confused surprise. She drove her heel into her attacker’s foot, sending him staggering backward. Claire seized the opportunity, lunging forward to retrieve her gun from where it had been knocked aside. She spun back quickly, her back on the floor, ready to fire…

The vampire was gone.

Claire rose to her feet, turning slowly as her phone rang out again.

“Little busy, babe, I’ll have to call you back,” she said. She ended the call before waiting for any kind of response, then silenced the phone, and stowed it back in her pocket.

“Aww, who was that, you’re little girlfriend?” the vamp taunted, his voice reverberating around the room, making it impossible to locate.

“Actually, yeah,” Claire said. “I said I’d be home in time for dinner, but gosh, you’ve gone and made me late.”

By the time she’d killed the last of the nest, hid the bodies, and got back to her car, Claire had 4 additional missed calls from Kaia and Alex.

“Shit,” she muttered allowed, calling Kaia back. “What’s wrong?” she asked the moment the call connected.

“ _I’m putting you on speaker_ ,” Kaia said.

“ _Claire, are you okay,_ ” Jody asked.

“I’m fine. What’s going on?”

“ _It’s the boys,”_ Jody said. “ _We haven’t been able to get ahold of them in a few days, have you heard from them_?”

Claire looked up, trying to remember. “I talked to Dean on Sunday,” she said. “He seemed off but said everything was fine.”

“ _And you believe him_?” Alex asked.

“Pfft, no. But I’m a few hours out of Lebanon, I figured I would swing by once I wrapped up this case and figure out what’s wrong.”

“ _Would you please,_ ” Jody said. “ _Donna’s been trying to reach them all week about a rugaru thing. Normally I wouldn’t be so worried yet, but—_ ”

“But it’s Sam and Dean,” Claire finished. Trouble followed them like a shadow. “I’ll call you when I get there.”

Saying she was only a few hours from Lebanon was a little too generous, but she _was_ close enough that the detour was warranted, even before Jody had expressed her concerns.

Though she knew Jody would’ve already done it, she called Dean, then Sam, then Cas, then Jack. And when none of them answered, she cycled through again, dialing every spare number and fake fed line she knew.

Nothing.

And she knew there would be, just like she knew the Impala wouldn’t be parked out in front of the bunker when she got there. Still her worry grew.

“Kaia,” she said into her phone as she walked toward the door. “Yeah, I’m here. No sign of the guys, I’m heading in now.” She wedged the phone between her ear and shoulder as she pulled the heavy iron door open. She drew her gun, keeping it low as she surveyed the area, stepping slowly down the stairs.

Everything inside looked normal enough…

Until a _dog_ came running up to her, his tail wagging frantically. She frowned, stooping down to scratch him behind the ears. “Kai,” she said. “Did we know they got a dog? Maybe one of them turned into a dog?” She looked over the dog, focusing on his eyes and mannerisms. “Dean?” she asked.

The dog whined and dropped his head to his paws.

“Not Dean, then.” She stood up and looked around again. “Babe, I’m gonna hang up and take a look around, but I don’t think anyone is here. I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

The moment she started to move, the dog jumped to his feet and started leading her down the hall.

“Are you hungry?” she asked, following him into the kitchen. There were two bowls on the floor, both empty. “Aw, you poor baby,” she said. “how long have they left you here alone?” She picked up one of the bowls and filled it with water from the tap, before opening cupboards looking for anything that resembled dog food. “I really hope Dean wasn’t in charge of feeding you, because I’m pretty sure a healthy dog diet consists of more than pie and bacon. Ah! Here we go.” She filled the second bowl with kibble, and watch in bemused delight as the dog scarfed down his food.

“Okay then,” she said to herself. “Now to figure out where they—”

The door to the bunker hissed open again, echoing far enough that she could hear it. Cautiously, she drew her gun again and started back toward the main room, butt remained hopeful that it was one of the boys.

It wasn’t.

The unfamiliar woman spotted her, drawing her gun up to eye-level at the same moment.

“Who the hell are you?” Claire asked. “Where are Sam and Dean?”

“Who are you?” the woman shot back, her voice hitting each syllable in a way that was just slightly off.

Claire lowered her gun immediately. “Eileen?” she asked. “You’re Eileen, right? Sam’s girlfriend?”

Eileen’s gun lowered, somewhat less certainly. “Yes,” she said slowly, her eyes still narrowed as she studied Claire.

“I’m Claire, I’m—” Oh, this was always the hard part, wasn’t it, figuring out how the hell to introduce herself, when her family situation was complicated at best.

“I know who you are,” Eileen nodded, blessedly recognizing her mental turmoil. She tucked her gun into her waistband and stepped closer. “Dean talks about you a lot.”

Claire blushed slightly. “He does?”

Eileen nodded. “He’s very proud of you.”

“Aw, shucks.” Her face fell serious. “Where are Sam and Dean?”

Eileen shrugged. “I was hoping to find them here.”

Claire shook her head. “They’re not. All I found was a dog—when did they get a dog?”

“Miracle,” Eileen supplied. “Sam said Dean found him at the end of the world, and then decided to keep him.”

“’At the end of the world’,” Claire repeated. “Do you know what happened?” She had talked to Dean recently, sure, but he hadn’t really _said_ anything. He mentioned stopping Chuck and saving the world and… and then he’d shifted the focus to Claire and her hunting and Kaia.

Eileen shook her head. “No. They didn’t really want to talk about it.”

“So, it was bad,” Claire said, jumping slightly as Miracle came up beside her, rubbing his face in her hand. “And now they’re not answering their phones.”

Eileen nodded and started to look around the room. Her eyes eventually settled on the abandoned laptops on the table.

They sit down across from one another, each opening a laptop in the hopes that they could find a lead.

“You know his password?” Eileen looked up at her to ask.

Claire rolled her eyes. “Dean is a predictable idiot; got it on the second try. You?”

“Sam is also a predictable idiot,” she said.

Ten minutes later, Claire had found nothing but an article about a local pie festival, a confusing trail of job listings, and a downright depressing Netflix history. She reached out and tapped the table between them to get Eileen’s attention. “Anything?”

Eileen nodded. “I think so.”

Claire and Eileen hop into their cars and follow the clues from Sam’s laptop—against her better judgement, Claire took Miracle along, letting him ride in the front seat with her. She pulled out her phone, dialing each of the boys in turn again, growing steadily more frustrated with each of them. For not answering their phones, for not having told anyone what they were up to. That had been the deal for _years_ hadn’t it? Always tell someone where you’re going. That had been the deal when she’d gone off hunting on her own, and they’d held up their end of it too, most of the time.

She let out a sound of frustration and turned up the radio. Miracle whined happily as the no-doubt familiar tune filled the cab.

It didn’t take long to track down the case. Once they got to town, they donned their fed suits and started asking around, eventually finding their way out to some old barn in the middle of nowhere. It was sheer luck that someone had noticed the Impala seemingly abandoned there for days, because without that clue, Claire wasn’t sure they would’ve ever found it.

“Stay here, bud,” she whispered to Miracle, patting his head as she climbed out of the car.

They quietly survey outside, checking the car and the surrounding area before heading inside.

Sam and Dean were there.

Strung up on chains, hanging from supports that looked like they’d seen better days. If the boys had been conscious, the probably could’ve broken themselves out easily. But as it was, they weren’t conscious, and they were _dangerously_ pale.

A deep dread tugged at Claire’s stomach, and for a moment, she was almost afraid the step any closer.

She shoved that feeling aside, running forward to check on them.

“Careful,” Eileen whispered. Whatever had done this was still around.

Claire nodded, keeping her gun down, but not stowing it just yet. She brought her free hand up to Dean’s neck.

Cold.

Her heart caught in her throat, until she felt the gentle thrum of his blood pumping. Too slow. Too cold. But still alive.

She reached for Sam, feeling for the same.

She looked over her shoulder at Eileen, who was still watching the room for their attackers. When she caught her eye, Claire nodded. ‘They’re alive,’ she mouthed. ‘Barely.’

She turned back to the boys, moving for the ropes binding Dean.

There was something else.

Thin tubes, one in each arm. One pumping him full of a faintly blue substance, while the other drained him of blood. “The hell?” she muttered to herself. She waved Eileen over. “Have you seen anything like this before?”

Eileen shook her head. “Could be a vamp, draining them for later? But what is this?” she asked, her fingers running along the blueish tube connected to Sam’s arm. She tapped his face, trying to wake him, but he didn’t stir.

Claire stowed her gun, trading it for her phone. She dialed Jody on video. “Hey,” she whispered. “We found Sam and Dean, but… I don’t know.” She turned the camera, showing the rig they were hooked up to. “I want to unplug everything, but I’m afraid of making things worse if I do.”

“ _Stop it from draining their blood,”_ Jody instructed. “ _We can’t help them if it’s already bled them dry. Leave the other IV until we figure out what it is_.” Claire could hear her snap, then ask Alex to research something, but Claire couldn’t quite hear what. She focused on pulling the needle pumping blood from Dean’s veins, silently motioning for Eileen to do the same for Sam. A moment later, Jody turned her attention back to her. “ _We’re gonna make a few calls and get back to you. And Claire—be careful. If these things managed to get the drop on Sam and Dean…”_

“I know,” Claire said nodded. “We’ll be careful.” She hung up and tried calling Cas again. “Dammit, your friends are in trouble, answer your phone,” she growled into his voicemail—and before she could swap her phone back out for her gun, _something_ dropped from the rafters, pinning her to the ground.

A shot fired from Eileen’s gun, the bullet grazing along Claire’s attacker. She took the distraction, sliding out from under him and rolling back to her feet. “Dude,” she said, eyeing him up and down. “The mask. Really? Where did you pick that up, Party City?”

The barn doors slid open behind them, and she turned to see two more masked idiots walking in. Shit.

“Shit,” Eileen said.

“Now what do we have here,” one of the masked figures, a woman, asked, as the first baddie moved to join her. “Two little girls, come to rescue the Winchesters. Are you groupies? Or their girlfriends? Oh, that is so sweet.”

“Gross,” Claire said. “That’s like my dad.” She drew her gun, firing right between the eyes of one masked assailant. He recoiled, stumbling backward before… catching himself, and standing upright again, grinning maniacally back at Claire.

“That’s even cuter,” the woman cooed. The two baddies flanking her rushed forward with impossible speed, pinning both Claire and Eileen to the wall behind them. The woman, meanwhile, went to Sam and Dean, checking on them, and re-inserting the needles into their arms.

What happened next happened in a flurry, too fast to really even know what transpired at all. Eileen had somehow freed herself, managing to fire several useless rounds into her attacker, providing Claire enough wiggle room to free herself again. Claire fired again, pumping the rest of her clip into the face of her attacker. _Finally,_ it fell, blood oozing from its skull.

“Well, that is unfortunate,” the woman said, sounding, at most, mildly inconvenienced by her lackey’s demise. She rounded on Claire, baring an ugly set of fangs as she lunged—suddenly, a shovel collided with the sire of her skull, sending her careening over.

‘Vampire,’ Claire mouthed at Eileen, who nodded before bringing the sharp edge of the shovel down on the bitch’s throat. Claire scrambled to her feet, eyeing the room for a more useful weapon than the empty gun at her feet. There were plenty of weapons in her car, and even more in Dean’s. She should’ve come in more prepared.

She tensed, sensing movement behind her, and Eileen must’ve seen what she didn’t, because in the blink of an eye, the shovel was soaring through the air, landing gracefully in her waiting hands. She spun, digging the spade into the freak’s gut. She pulled back, then drove it up through his stupid masked face.

She let out a sign and relaxed as he crumpled to the ground.

The unnecessarily peppy Kesha song blasted through the room, not a moment too soon. She really needed to change that shit before it got her into real trouble. Claire couldn’t help but roll her eyes as she dug her fingers into her pocket to answer it.

“ _Donna and Jody think it’s a Djinn_ ,” Alex said. “ _Or something djinn like, not the normal breed, but probably a—”_

“Try vamps,” Claire said, stumbling back over to Sam and Dean to detach the machines siphoning off their blood once more.

“ _What_?”

“Vampires,” Claire repeated.

“Claire,” Eileen said, drawing her attention. She had removed the mask from one of the lackies, pulling back his lip to reveal… no fangs.

“What the hell?” Claire asked, furrowing her brow. “Hold on, Alex.” She moved over to the other lackey, still with the shovel through his skull. “Okay, this is weird,” she said into the phone. “Two of them are vamps, but the third isn’t.”

“ _Does he have tribal tats?_ ” Alex asked.

She turned to Eileen. “Tattoos?” she asked. Eileen nodded, revealing intricately woven tattoos on his chest. “Yeah. So, djinn. Why would they be working with vamps?”

“ _I have no idea. They both feed on human blood, they should be rivals._ ”

“Right. Figure that weird shit out later. Right now… what do I need to do to save Sam and Dean?”

“ _It should be safe to remove the other IV,_ ” Alex said. “ _We’re pretty sure it’s the djinn’s toxin, keeping them sedated and in whatever dream world it’s created for them._ ”

“So, they should wake up?” Claire asked, wedging the phone in her shoulder so she could use both hands to remove the needles.

“ _Claire… it sounds like they’ve lost a lot of blood. And djinn magic is weird. Nothing about this fits the lore quite right—”_

“Save the lore for someone who gives a shit,” Claire said. “Just tell me how to save them.”

“ _We don’t know_ ,” Alex said finally. “ _We’re still looking into everything we’ve got, but…”_ She trailed off. “ _Patience is calling an ambulance to your location. I don’t know if a normal doctor can do anything at this point, but… they can try.”_

Claire was silent for a long moment. “I have to make a call,” she said finally. She hung up the phone and shoved it back in her pocket. “I’ll be back,” she told Eileen before turning to leave the barn.

She walked back to her car and kicked the tire, funneling every ounce of frustration into it.

She couldn’t save them.

Miracle let out a long whine.

“Sorry, bud,” she said, reaching in the open window to stroke his fur.

She pulled out her phone again, started to dial, then threw it down into the back seat of her car, letting out an angry groan.

Miracle made another sound.

“Yeah, I know,” Claire said. She had only one option left.

She took a deep breath, bringing her palms together on the hood of the car, lacing her fingers as she closed her eyes, and, for the first time in over ten years, she prayed.

Heaven.

All the walls had been torn down, everything remodeled to represent what heaven should have always been. Peace. Love. Eternity.

It was beautiful. Beautiful, much like earth was, but unmarred by the worst of human behavior. Open fields, flowed into winding rivers, flowed into shining cities. But there was no pollution, no chaos, just…

Peace.

But still Castiel didn’t feel it.

The other angels, and demons too, had been released from the Empty, the Shadow all but absorbed by Jack’s power. No longer running dangerously low on the angelic grace that powered it, Heaven was a glittering beacon of light once more.

But it wasn’t home.

“Why don’t you just pop back down to Earth?” Bobby asked, sensing his turmoil.

“I can’t,” Cas said after a moment of thought.

“Can’t, or won’t?” Bobby asked. “’Cause that kid of yours… you boys raised him right, from where I’m sittin’. Which is astonishing, given your combined track record of fathers being as abysmal as it is.”

Cas smirked. “I don’t know, you were a pretty good father-figure,” he said. _For all of us_ , he didn’t say.

“That’s debatable,” Bobby said. “Anyway, my point is… he might be the new Big Cheese, but is he really stopping you from going home?”

 _Home_.

His heart ached at the thought of it. Dean. Sam. Claire. All the family he’d found through them.

“I don’t belong there,” he said finally.

Bobby stared at him blankly. “Bullshit.”

“What?” Cas asked, jarred from whatever thoughts he was having on the matter.

“Bullshit,” Bobby repeated. “So what, all the angels are back. When was the last time any one of ‘em treated you like family? I mean, like real family? If they did, you wouldn’t be out here, hanging with my grumpy ass.”

“There’s still work to be done,” he said.

“And it’ll get done with or without you.”

Cas sighed and dropped his chin back to his hand.

“You’re awfully pouty for an immensely powerful celestial being,” Bobby said, passing him another beer. Cas popped the cap and took a sip.

“Awfully human, you mean.”

“Ain’t nothing wrong with human.”

“No, there isn’t,” Cas agreed.

 _Castiel_ , a third voice said. He sat up straight, looking around in horror for the source of the voice. No. She couldn’t be here. Not yet.

“What’s the matter?” Bobby asked.

 _You know I don’t pray_ , Claire said, and the fire in his stomach settled as he realized she wasn’t there with them, but still on earth.

_So, you know I must be desperate now. Sam and Dean are in trouble, and I can’t… I don’t know what to do. I need your help. Please, Cas._

“I have to do,” he said, setting the beer down between them.

“Say hi to the boys for me,” Bobby said. “Best not see you back here for a while.”

Castiel would make no such promises, but nodded before he vanished from the old hunter’s corner of heaven.

“Dammit, Cas, please,” Claire said, her head still bowed in prayer.

“I’m here,” he said.

She spun around, the usual fire in her eyes showing only worry.

“About damn time,” she admonished. “Why haven’t you been answering your calls?”

Cas absently reached into his pocket. “No reception in Heaven,” he said. The screen lit up, displaying an alert of ‘47 missed calls’. He returned the phone to his pocket without looking further. “What’s wrong?”

“Inside,” Claire said, pushing past him, leading him into the barn, where Eileen was waiting alongside the unconscious Winchesters. “We think it’s a djinn, but he was working with vampires and… I don’t know.” She let out a sound not far from panic. “They’ve lost a lot of blood and I… I think they’re dying.”

Cas dropped to his knees between them, pressing a hand to each of their foreheads. In an instant, the color returned to their cheeks, their shallow breathing regulated, and their pulses eased up to a less concerning range.

“Are they okay?” Eileen asked.

“Not yet,” Cas said, speaking and signing simultaneously. “It will take some time for their minds to unravel the worlds it created for them.”

“What do you mean?” Claire asked.

“That’s what djinn do. Most give you your wildest dreams, so they can drain you while you remain blissfully unaware. Others give your deepest fears, until those fears eventually kill you.”

“Which did they get?” Eileen asked.

Cas shook his head, his brow furrowed. “Neither. I don’t sense any particularly strong joy or terror from them. Its more like… sadness, I think.” He contemplated it a moment longer, then reached out to Eileen. “We should get them home sooner than later. I’ll send you all back to the bunker, then send your vehicles.” He pressed his fingers to Sam and Eileen, popping them away without preamble. He placed his hand on Dean’s wrist, and reached for Claire, who took a step back, rather than forward.

“You’re coming too, right?” she asked.

Castiel, despite the uncertainty still resting in his stomach, nodded. He needed to know that they were alright. Then he would return to heaven.

“Okay,” Claire said, moving closer again, allowing him to teleport her away. “Oh, Dean’s dog is in my car,” she said the moment before she and Dean were whisked away.

Cas frowned. Dean had a dog?

The cars were parked away in the garage, Sam and Dean were in their beds, still unconscious, tended to by Eileen and Claire, and Cas… Cas paced.

The dog, Miracle according to Claire, approached him, sitting on the cool concrete floors and looking up at him with a cocked head, as if in question.

“Yeah, I know,” Cas said. “I shouldn’t be here.”

Miracle whined, scooting closer, shoving his head into Cas’ hand, nuzzling his leg as he did.

“You’re too trusting. I am a celestial entity of power unlike anything you could imagine. I could wipe you from existence and no one would know.” Not that he _would_ , just that he could. And yet, here he was, talking to a dog and scratching his ears. “I see why Dean likes you.”

The dog perked up at the mention of his owner, his tail moving back and forth so quickly that it struck harshly against the leg of the table.

“Yeah, I love him, too.”

Cas said pulled out a chair and sat down. Miracle rested his head in Cas’ lap, closing his eyes as the angel allowed himself to get lost in the feeling of his fur between his fingers.

Cas eventually reached into his pocket, one hand still mindlessly petting the dog. Against everything telling him not to, he hit play on his voicemail.

_You have 19 new voice messages._

“ _Cas._ ” The first was from Sam. “ _Dean’s not answering and… everyone’s gone. Please just tell me you guys are okay.”_

The next one came from a couple days later, after Cas had been taken, but before they had defeated Chuck. “ _Hey Cas_ ,” Dean said. There was a long, shaky sigh, then the message ended, rolling into the next.

“ _I just needed to hear your voice_ ,” Dean said. The message ended. Cas’ heart ached.

“ _We did it,_ ” Dean said, but there was no triumph in his voice. “ _Chuck’s depowered, everyone’s back where they belong. Everyone but you._ ”

“ _I miss Jack,_ ” Dean said. “ _I miss you_.”

“ _I know you aren’t there; I know you can’t hear me._ ” Dean sighed. “ _I just needed to hear you.”_

Cas almost put down the phone. It felt wrong, listening to this. These messages weren’t _for_ him. It felt like he was listening in on thoughts he wasn’t supposed to hear.

“ _Man, you really suck, you know that,_ ” Dean said. “ _Saying… saying what you said without giving me a chance to say a damn thing back. It’s shitty. You should feel shitty._ ”

“ _I love you, too_ ,” Dean said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Cas almost dropped the phone in surprise, but was, mercifully, give a second to catch himself as the automated voice announced the next message.

“ _I love you, dumbass,_ ” Dean said again. “ _I have for a while, and I… I should’ve told you before. Shit, I should’ve told you when I first knew. I should’ve told you when you came back from the Empty. I should’ve told you a thousand times_.”

“ _I love you_.” Dean let out a mirthless laugh. “ _I was so afraid to say it before… I didn’t want to ruin everything. And now… it’s all ruined anyway, isn’t it?”_

_“I don’t know what to do, Cas. I don’t wanna do this without you.”_

Cas felt tears fall down his cheeks, the next several messages twisting like a knife in his gut, feeling all the despair Dean must’ve felt while leaving them. Knowing now, the turmoil he felt here on earth, while Cas foolishly avoided him in heaven.

“ _I’m trying, Cas,”_ Dean said. “ _I hope you know that I’m trying. I just… I need you back here.”_

And then... “I _got a job. A real one, I mean. I don’t… I don’t know if I’m gonna take it, but._ " Dean sighed. _“I just know that I don’t wanna do this anymore. It just takes and it takes and it takes until there’s nothing left.”_

 _“I know I should talk to Sammy about it, but,”_ Dean laughed, but it still sounded hollow. “ _I have no idea how to. He was always the one who wanted out, and then I dragged him back in, and now… now he seems genuinely happy to keep hunting and I just… I don’t know how to tell him that I’m done.”_

_“Hey, Cas, it’s Jody. We haven’t heard from the boys in a few days, haven’t heard from you in a while either. We’re starting to get worried. Give me a call back when you can.”_

Cas set the phone down, knowing that any remaining messages were the girls frantically searching for Sam and Dean. He dropped his head to his hands and let the tears fall freely.

Dean’s eyes drifted open, taking in his surroundings, as he tried to piece together what had happened. Cas, Billie, Chuck. Jack.

He closed his eyes again, wishing to sink through his pillows and just cease existing.

He remembered dying, followed by heaven. But heaven had felt empty, hollow. Lacking.

And now he was back here, in the bunker, in his bed.

“Claire?” he asked, spotting her half-asleep in the corner of the room.

She jumped out of the chair. “Dean! You’re awake!”

“What happened?” he asked, slowly lifting himself into a seated position.

“Djinn,” she said. “And vampires. It was… weird. We’re not really sure.”

“Djinn,” Dean repeated, massaging his temples. That made sense, what with the memories that didn’t quite match up in the right places.

“You were practically dead when we found you,” she went on.

“You should’ve left me to die,” he said, before he could stop himself.

Her fist collided with his nose, shocking him to a more alert state. “Ow.” His hand came up instinctively, checking for blood. There was none, but _shit_ that hurt.

“You’re a piece of shit, you know that,” she said angrily.

Yup. He was well aware of that one.

“You think you own all the rights to trauma and self-loathing?” she yelled at him. “You don’t get to just _give up_. Do you know how many times I wanted it to be over?”

He recoiled, the sting of her words hitting far worse than her fist had.

“But I never ended it. I never let myself get got, even when it would’ve been _so easy_ to. Because _you_ showed me that I could be better. Even through all the shit, there’s something worth being here for.” She sighed and shook her head. “I get it. I do. And I know the shit I’ve been through is cupcakes compared to the hell you’ve been through. But don’t you _dare_ give up on me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said weakly.

She deflated a little and stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him in a tight, if off-kilter, hug. She pulled away and walked toward the hall, stopping in the open doorway. “When you’re done with your little pity party, you have a visitor.” She left, pulling the door closed just after Miracle managed to slide in past her.

The dog hopped into the bed, his whole body shaking happily as he licked Dean’s face. Dean wrapped his arms around the dog, burying himself in his fur. Of course, Claire was right. He felt shittier, knowing how disconnected he felt when he had so many people who cared. People who loved him.

People he loved.

“Okay,” he said, starting the process of pulling himself together as he dressed. “Who’s here to see us, do you know?”

He and Miracle made their way down the hall, taking the long way around to the kitchen, passing Sammy’s room on the way. His door was standing open, and he could see Eileen sitting with his brother. Sam looked, if possible, even worse than Dean was feeling.

“How you doin’?” Dean asked.

Sam shook his head. “It fucked me up pretty bad man,” he said. “But I’ll be okay. You?”

Dean nodded. As he started to step away, he could see Eileen take one of Sam’s hands, bringing it to her lips. Dean could feel the cracks starting to form again, whatever metaphorical duct tape and bubble gum not quite strong enough to hold him together in that moment.

He managed to make it a few steps further, around the corner, before he had to steady himself against the wall.

He wasn’t not jealous, not really. But Sammy had something with Eileen, something real and tangible and _good_. As happy as he was for his brother, seeing them together only served as a reminder of what he let slip through his grasp.

He let out a shaky breath, sanding down the sharp edges. He could hold himself together a little longer, couldn’t he? For Claire, for Miracle. For Sam. For the whole damn family he’s loved over the years. For Cas and his sacrifice. He could do that for them. He could get through today. Then tomorrow. One day at a time.

He reached for his phone, dialing the number his fingers knew instinctively. Four rings, and then he could hear his voice. The same words he always said, but it would be enough to get him through this moment.

The line rings once.

“ _Hello, Dean_.”

The phone hit the floor, shattering on impact.

Dean didn’t remember walking the rest of the way to the war room—or perhaps he ran there, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t remember any of it. There was Cas’ voice, impossible in his ear, and then a vast and endless nothingness, and then he’s standing in the archway. And there was Cas, standing there, talking to Claire, as if he’d been there all along.

Dean blinked slowly, certain the angel would vanish when he opened his eyes again.

He didn’t.

“Cas?”

Cas and Claire looked up from their conversation. Cas offered him a tentative smile.

“I’ll just… be somewhere else,” Claire said, scooting away from them and disappearing around a corner.

Dean just stared, not quite believing. He stepped forward slowly, until they’re standing a pace apart. Dean reached out, needing to know if he was real, but still terrified that his hand wasn’t going to pass right through. That it was all just part of an elaborate illusion.

But his hand met Cas’ shoulder, then his cheek, and he was solid and real and alive.

“I love you,” Dean said, when he finally found his voice again. It wasn’t the first thing he meant to say, but maybe it was exactly the first thing he was meant to say. He’d wasted so many chances before.

“I know,” Cas said.

Dean let out a laugh, realizing only then that there were tears in his eyes.

“I mean,” Cas said, seeming to realize his unintended Star Wars reference. He pulled his phone from his pocket. “I listened to your messages. When I got back to earth. I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t come back sooner.”

Dean shook his head. “Just in time.” Maybe he should’ve pulled his hand away, given Cas some space. But he couldn’t. The warmth of Cas’ skin beneath his hand… he needed it. Needed to know he was still alive, that he was real. “I searched,” he started. “I tried to find a way to get you out, but… even these guys don’t know anything about the Empty. How did you—”

“Jack,” Cas said. Of course, _of course_ Jack had saved him. How could he not. “He emptied the Empty. Well, aside from a couple of douchebag archangels, and the Knights and Princes of Hell. The Empty is empty again. We’ve been rebuilding heaven.”

“Good,” Dean nodded, feeling a foreign ache deep in his chest. He finally lowered his hand, uncertain what to do with himself. “That’s good.”

“I should’ve come back sooner, I’m sorry.”

“You were busy,” Dean said, somehow sounding more understanding than he felt. Cas had been back for weeks. Weeks, and he hadn’t come to see them even once.

“I was afraid,” Cas corrected. “A coward.”

“What?”

“After what I said, I… I didn’t know how to face you again. I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me.”

“Cas,” Dean said, his voice falling soft. He reached out, pulling him into a tight hug, reminiscent of every other near-death and post-death reunion they’d shared over the years. As if there was any version of this where he wasn’t fucking ecstatic to have his best friend back.

“I’m sorry,” Cas said again, his hand clinging to Dean’s back.

“Stop apologizing,” Dean said. He held the embrace for far too long, be he didn’t care, and Cas didn’t seem to mind either. They stood there a while longer, before Dean eventually pulled away. He caught one of Cas’ hands in his own and held it there.

“I don’t get it,” Cas said after a moment. “You like women. You like having sex with women, you—”

“Four years,” Dean said, interrupting him.

“What?”

“Probably more like four and a half, I didn’t exactly write down the date.”

“I don’t…” Cas said, shaking his head, still not understanding.

“That’s how long it’s been since I’ve had meaningless sex with a stranger. Because I realized I didn’t need it anymore, I didn’t _want_ it. I had you. No, I know, it’s not the same, but… it was enough. You said you could never have what you wanted, but… I was already yours. I was content to just… be.” He shrugged. “To watch movies with you or listen to music or _whatever_. You were my happy place.” His face fell somber. “And then you were gone.”

“Dean—”

“Did Claire tell you what I said?” he asked.

Cas hesitated, then nodded slowly.

“Man, I _never_ should’ve said that in front of her. But she caught me by surprise, and I’m the worst version of myself without you here. I can put myself together and pretend everything is okay, but it all falls apart eventually.”

“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for,” Cas said.

“I’m really not,” Dean said, shaking his head as tears threatened to fall once more. Cas’ hands came up to frame his face. “I can’t do this without you.”

“You can,” Cas assured him. He kissed his cheek. “But you don’t have to.”

“What about Heaven?” Dean asked.

“They’ll be fine without me,” he said. He pulled Dean closer, their lips just a hairsbreadth apart. “Is this okay?” he asked.

“ _Yes_ ,” Dean said, unable to hold back the pleading in his voice as he closed the gap between them. Their lips moved together, shy and tentative at first. Dean melted into Cas’ arms, and Cas melted into his.

Dean shifted, moving back into a hug, breathing in the smell of him, content to stay there maybe forever.

"So, where do we go from here?" Cas asked.

"I don't know." Dean's longest running relationship, _ever,_ was, well, it was Cas. And now every aspect of that relationship was shifting. He had no idea what that meant for them. "We'll figure it out."

Cas hummed, seeming to find solace in Dean's equal uncertainty.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Dean asked, pulling away from him, but leaving one arm draped around his shoulders.

"As long as it's not Tombstone," Cas replied, allowing Dean to lead them back down the hall toward the Fortress of Dean-itude.

"Fine," Dean said, pressing a kiss to his temple. "I'll even let you pick."

“You got a job?” Cas asked as they settled into the couch, Dean's head resting on his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Dean said, nodding. “Is that weird?”

“No. I’m proud of you. It’s what you want?”

Dean thought on that question for a moment. “Yeah. I still haven’t talked to Sammy about it, but… yeah. Do you think… do you think we can manage that? A normal life, you and me?”

Cas smiled. “I think we’ve more than earned it.”

**_♫ Lay your weary head to rest,_ **

**_Don’t you cry no more._ ** **_♫_ **

**Author's Note:**

> I do not condone the idea that someone’s entire sense of self-worth and mental well-being should ever rest upon one person; Dean’s got some shit to work though, and honestly so does Cas, so as part of their moving on to have a normal life, they’re gonna unload some of that shit on a real, actual, mental health professional. Mia Vallens, specifically, because she was the perfect opportunity for the boys to actually work on shit with someone they didn’t have to hide the real shit from.


End file.
